When You Ain't Got Nothing....You Got Nothing To Lose

If ever there was a case of "one of these things is not like the others" it's this list of events to consider entitled "Do Something Different In October" compiled by Miss Cellania in her blog on Mental Floss.

Let's see, we've got the North American Wife Carrying Championship; something called the Bean Fest And Great Championship Outhouse Race; World Conker Championships....who knows what that is; and then we have the Angola State Prison Rodeo, where "inmates compete in many events from barrel racing to bull riding to 'convict poker', in which four participants sit at a table while a bull is released. The last one to stand up wins!"

So, serving time in a notoriously rough prison, then risking your life against a raging bull (not the movie...a real raging bull!) merits equal placement on the list as a bean fest? Has anyone been seriously injured in an outhouse race? Given the choice, I'd prefer to sign up for Outhouse Pilot. "The outhouse races are run by three-person teams, with the pilot sitting on a toilet seat and steering, and two others pushing the outhouse."

The rodeo happens every Sunday in October. Check out their website here for details, and directions

And Yet Again

I know some folks like to watch the live cop chases on TV. But my favorite is the fake cop. Maybe it's because I've worked so many part-time jobs with guys who wanted to be cops, but failed to make it for some reason. They still really want that uniform though, and I guess some of them, like the guy in this story, won't let the dream die. Now, this could have been a very bad scene, particularly for the woman he illegally pulled over, so it's nothing to laugh about. Except maybe the fact that he recorded it all with his dashboard cam....that's kinda funny. And the part where his girlfriend hands him the phone to speak with the real police, and the speed with which he surrenders...all kinda funny. Cautionary tale: Kids...or adults...don't try this at home.

Here are some other fake cop guys we've posted on, here, here, and here.

Animal Updates

Looking back at some of the stories from the past year, we have a couple of very important updates:

First up: Apparently our world's oldest dog, Max from New Iberia has even MORE competition. But of course, when you're on top, there are always people nipping at your heels, thus enters Minius....a mixed breed from Poland. OhMyNews.com is claiming that he's 27 and Max is only 26 in their story here.

On another note, one of the very first stories we ever did may still be one of my favorites - Norman the Nutria in Abbeville. That's the one where 'Norman' allegedly attacked a woman at the Walmart in Abbeville. Well, Rebecca White is finally getting her day in court. According to the Abbeville Meridinal the case has been reassigned to state court and while Walmart says they are not negligent, they do say in court papers that if they are, it's White's fault since she is the one that "startled the nutria, causing it to startle her." Full story here. Love you corporate America.

Bevy of Bandits

This next story reminded us of how many 'bandits' have been arrested in the area....or at least how the media likes to cleverly nickname offenders. We've seen the famous "Bikini Bandits", the "Beer Bandit", the "Cigarette Bandit" and now - the Billy Goat Bandit. Apparently DeAndrian Latroy Dently from Houston robbed 12 banks over there and was dubbed the "Billy Goat Bandit" because of his distinctive facial hair. He was later arrested in Lake Charles, presumably attempting to double down his take at one of the casinos.

Photo by: wYnand!

He's A Bad Muth...Shut Your Mouth....Just Talking About Seagal

Jefferson Parish Lawman, Steven Seagal, is accused of....breaking the law. According to court paperwork obtained by TMZ.com, a case was filed against Seagal for sexual assault and trafficking women for sex. Accuser Kayden Ngyuen alleges that she responded to a Craiglist ad looking for an Executive Assistant for Mr. Seagal. After being interviewed by Seagal, Ngyuen was hired and told to run home and pack to head to New Orleans but once she arrived there, she says he was keeping 2 Russian 'Attendants' who's jobs were to be available to Seagal 24 hours a day / 7 days a week to satisfy his sexual whims. There's a lot of other weird stuff, including him forcing his hand down her pants and forcing her to consume "illegal pills", then she quit and sued. You can read the court papers here and see the original story on TMZ here.

He's Stirring His Pot...I See Mah Dress...It's Cut In Half

It's Pulitzer season, but I'm guessing this gem of investigative journalism won't be receiving any awards. There's not much story here, but lots and lots of ignorance. Hard to say which is worse, the petty bickering and violence of the folks being interviewed, or KATC for running it.....or me for re-running it here. If you can make it to the end of the video, you can almost see Hoyt Harris questioning how his career brought him to this point. If it's any consolation to Mr. Harris, I ask myself that very question on a daily basis.

P.S. To our chagrin, KATC begins and ends the video with a 15 second ad...... much like the ads we would sell if we were a real news organization.

That's Not How I Thought Things Worked

Mike Hasten wrote an article for the Town Talk in Alexandria about former Governor Edwin Edwards' recent furlough from prison. Edwards, currently serving a ten year sentence for racketeering, extortion, money laundering, mail fraud and wire fraud related to riverboat gambling licenses, was recently transferred to Oakdale Federal Correctional Complex in Allen Parish from a federal prison in Fort Worth, Texas. The state gives model inmates furloughs near the end of their terms so they can start adjusting to life outside prison. Edwards is scheduled to be released July 6, 2011, according to the Federal Bureau of Prisons, a month before his 84th birthday on Aug. 7.

OK, that's all fine. I understand that he's serving his time, he gets a furlough. No big deal. In fact, he even gets to visit with his family at a campground in Port Allen for Easter. Again, seems reasonable. Then comes the weirdness:

...That wasn't an idle question for three state lawmakers staying in campers at the Cajun Country Campground in Port Allen while the Legislature is in session. Rep. Jack Montoucet, whose legislative office is in Edwards' old hometown, Crowley, and Reps. Johnny Guinn, R-Jennings, and Jerry "Truck" Gisclair, D-Larose, paid a social visit to Edwards.

They stay in a campers while the Legislature is in session? Really? I thought they had chic penthouse apartments to be wined and dined by lobbyists armed with high priced call girls. I'm gonna have to re-assess my baseless opinions. Read more here.

Photo by Bill Ward's Brickpile

He Ain't Got The Queen Yet

There's no story here. Just a cautionary tale of woman, a car and a swarm of bees. The moral? When the cameras are rolling (and they are always rolling....everywhere) gather your wits about you and avoid saying things like "he ain't got the queen yet". Who do you think is having a worse day, the "victim" or the beekeeper doing his job in front of a live audience?

Don't Drink the Water

No one seems to know what happened to the water in Rayne yesterday, but apparently *something* caused a yellow, grimy residue to change the color of Antoinetta Cormier's hair while she was at the hairdresser. Cormier was getting her weekly set and style at New Attitudes Hair Salon when they noticed the yellow film coming out of the faucet. In fact, it was so sticky that they had to wash poor Antoinetta's hair five times and it still wouldn't come out. According to the story, the Rayne Volunteer Fire Department was flushing the hydrants while at the same time, residents noticed that some kind of slimy residue was in their drinking water. In fact, another Rayne resident, Marjorie Baptiste, had the same issue, except the yellow slime finally did come out...when her hair fell out. Yikes. KATC has the full story here.

In other news - there was a victory in court for fake giraffe storytellers, Hammond Action News, recently. Hammond Action News is a satirical website, a la The Onion, that focuses on fake local news stories in Tangipahoa Parish. After the national story about the attack of the killer shark, they wrote a story about a rogue giraffe at Global Wildlife Center, who didn't think it was too funny. Global Wildlife sued the website, but the court ultimately sided with Hammond Action News citing the website clearly has posted a disclaimer stating they are satirical, for entertainment purposes only. Full story here.

Photo by: tehbieber

He Wears His Heart On His Sleeve....And His Face

Last week's round up of noteworthy mugshots from The Smoking Gun had this entry from our beloved home state. To know us is to love us. Yeah, he's got some devil horns too, what's your point?

At Least They Got "Louisiana" In The Article

I found this on Mother Jones, but it's on several blogs, and I think it originated on Funnyjunk.com. (NSFW) It seems a Walmart store "somewhere in Louisiana", was found to be selling Black Barbie Dolls (actually named "Ballerina Theresa") for almost half the price of White Barbies. There are obvious negative implications with this, but it may not be as sinister as it appears. It may be....but there's no proof of that. In fact, Walmart says they simply put the dolls on clearance to make room for spring inventory. The dolls in the photo have a red tag indicating they are, indeed, on clearance. The photo in question was taken in an unidentified Walmart store in Louisiana. Why here? The flap about the Justice of the Peace who wouldn't perform a marriage for an interracial couple was finally dying down. Now, we're caught in the middle of the Black Barbie/White Barbie controversy. And don't even start about Sugar Daddy Ken. Ken's dog apparently is named Sugar, hence the doll named Sugar's Daddy Ken. Whatever, just sell him in Texas, or Mississippi.

More here.

"But I Shot A Man In Reno....Just To Watch Him Die"

The blog gods were kind this morning. A Louisiana man has invented a chastity belt for dogs. Whacky you say, zany! "How in the heck?" But that's not strange part. The story plays up the third grader "ooh gross, you have to clean it!" angle. Still, not the weird part. The inventor has been contacted to design a chastity belt for camels. Whoa, knee-slapper....but not the weirdest part of this story. No, the part that got my attention, and was left sadly under-explained in the article, was this tidbit:

Ironically, a freak injury led Blanch to his invention. He was shot by one of his beagles two years ago in a hunting accident, leaving him with an 8-inch wound. "I nearly had to face the amputation of an arm," he says. In no way did the shooting sour his feelings for his dogs, he says.

Huh? His beagle shot him? Forget about the stupid chastity belt, how does a dog shoot a gun? I have a beagle, she can't do any tricks...no sit, no roll over, no trigger finger.

Buck Wolf (his real name?), wrote the piece for AOL.com. Read it all here.

I Get Jokes

Textbook example of a parent being his kid's "friend" and not her parent: COVINGTON, La. -- A Louisiana father and his 12-year-old daughter were arrested for an alleged practical joke that startled motorists on an interstate highway: The father allegedly drove his pickup truck with the girl sitting in the passenger seat - bound and gagged with duct tape.

More here


Photo by Foxtongue

You're Doing It Wrong!

Grits are wonderful. OK? That's not exactly breaking news. Butter, salt, maybe some cheese, or shrimp and bacon. What's not to love? Well, go ask this guy, who had the misfortune to reprise the role of Al Green as victim of a hot grits attack from an angry lover. Matt Scallan wrote this story for the Times-Picayune. From the article:

A Boutte woman who allegedly poured a pot of boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend last month was booked with second-degree battery Wednesday. The man told sheriff's deputies that he came home from work on Nov. 7, got into an argument with Brown, told her that he was breaking up with her, then went to bed. The man was treated for second-degree burns on his face and arm.

As a grassroots grits advocate, I repeat the mantra: Grits don't kill people. People kill (or in this case, scald) people.

Go Saints, beat those nasty ol' Falcons!

Photo by Adam_d

Dey Coming Out Da Woodworks

More video fun. Count how many folks exit their vehicles beer in hand. Then directly to the live ammo. Thank you Louisiana.

Like Ships In The Night

Although not unheard of down here in South Louisiana, it's never a good thing when flooding causes coffins to float up from their graves. This sort of thing has a tendency to creep folks out. And it's a video so you don't even have to read. The Meaux is looking out for you non-readers. Enjoy.

Eat it! Wear it!

Laura McKnight of HoumaToday.com has a funny story about TDM's favorite critter....the nutria, and the popularity of nutria fur coats. Well, "popular", that's according to nutria fur dealer S.P. LaRussa and the state Department of Wildlife and Fisheries (DWF). (LaRussa proudly tells the story of wearing his coat to the Saints/Vikings game and claims it garnered more attention that the Saints themselves). According to the article these coats are so popular Nutria Furrier, Louis Pitre, has sold up to 20 coats over the years. Wow! But, the DWF isn't giving up....it is actively promoting the benefits of nutria fur on their website AND they maintain nutria.com, which has delicious sounding recipes like "Heart Healthy Crock-Pot Nutria." and "Stuffed Nutria Hindquarters." Mmmmm....

Photo by gynti 46

Scary Halloween Cities in Louisiana

Ever been to Frankenstein, Missouri? How about Pumpkintown, South Carolina? No, well, with All Hallows Eve right around the corner The National Realtor's Association came up with a list of the Top 50 Scary Halloween Cities and Louisiana made the list 4 times. So if trick or treating in Lafayette is so last year, take a road trip to Transylvania, Slaughter, False River, or Cut Off, Louisiana.

Photo by Rennett Stowe

A House Divided

Name your product "Slap Ya Mama" and you might expect some negative repercussions. What you don't expect is someone naming a similar product "Punch Ya Daddy". Richard Burgess is all over the brouhaha with this report for the Advocate about a law suit filed by Walker & Sons of Ville Platte, makers of "Slap Ya Mama" Cajun seasoning, against Kirby Falcon of Houma, maker of "Punch Ya Daddy" Creole seasoning. See how that's kinda similar? From the article:

Walker & Sons registered the “Slap Ya Mama” trade name in February 2008 but had been using it for about 10 years before that, with the current logo making its first appearance at the Ville Platte Smoked Meat Festival in 1998, according to the lawsuit.

I mean, are the "Punch Ya Daddy" folks turning a deaf ear to the raw marketing power that is the '98 Smoked Meat Fest? Tony Chachere, thus far, remains above the fray. Class.
More here.

Keep Blanking That Chicken

I love the Daily Show. And if you've been watching lately, Jon Stewart has adopted this new tag line, which I stole for the title of this post. The Associated Press ran this story of a Louisiana man, Alexander Legault, who pleaded guilty to defrauding the Egyptian government out of $7 million for a shipment of frozen chicken he never delivered. That's a lot of chicken not to show up. According to the article, Legault's chicken adventure included an 1986 indictment and a move to and subsequent deportation from Canada in 2002. Now, he'll be in one place for the next 7 years...federal prison. More here.

Photo by Michele Eve